


Circus of Memories (a nct drabble)

by beolbeulchii



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: AU, Angst, Drabble, Ex-Boyfriends, Heavy Angst, M/M, past relationship, still in love, this is all angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:42:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24111505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beolbeulchii/pseuds/beolbeulchii
Summary: Memories runs like waves, receding to the back of your mind and your shores are at peace, the sandcastles and barriers you built stay strong and untouched.But then the tide comes tumbling back in, crashing down on the land and spreading over the sand until it creeps back away again.That was what the merry circus did to Jaemin.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Previous relationship - Relationship
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	Circus of Memories (a nct drabble)

**Author's Note:**

> this is just all angst okay,,,
> 
> i wrote this when i was feeling very sad and its lowkey bad but enjoy :')
> 
> i also listened to home and waves by Dotan while writing this so pls go listen to his songs! he is so good :D

_'Run past the rivers, run past all the light_

_Feel it crashing and burning, 'til it all collides_

_Strike a match lit the fire, shining up the sky_

_As it all comes down again_

_As it all comes down again_

_As it all comes down again, to the sound'_

Jaemin heard the shouts and carnival music before he saw it. After seven years the circus had returned to the small town he had lived in all his life. The town which he was afraid to leave, but the same town his lover had departed from long ago. 

He still had memories from the last time the circus came, from when days were simpler and everyone was joyous that such a wonder had come to such a small irrelevant place. Tucked away behind fields and almost being pushed out to sea, the town had been the loudest it had ever been that week when the circus was present.

He remembered how him and his friends stayed out after curfew to enjoy rides, dance, sing and watch stunts. He remembered how he would watch the fireworks, back against the grass looking up to the lights, laughing with the person beside him. 

You would think such happy memories would drive him to return, flinging off his work apron and rushing off to see the spectacles once again. But the happy memories were not ones he could relive. So he stayed away, driving home down empty streets every night away from the shouts and music, away from the pretty lights and sleeping through the bursts of fireworks. 

Dreaming nightmares of younger days. 

Sometimes when sorrow and urge became too much he would pull out the shoe box covered in doodles and signatures from under his bed, opening it and rummaging through the countless polaroids that still shone in the light. He would sometimes just look at his younger self's face who's eyes glistened, staring as he mirrored the glint, not with glee but with unshed tears. 

But they would eventually fall like rain again when his eyes would focus on the teenage features of his past lover. His present love. His future love. And oh how the sound of Jeno's voice would start echoing around Jaemin's mind as he kept looking at the photos. Drops of salted water refracting the images as the faint music of the fair played in the background, hands trembling as his fingers traced the smooth cut edges of the photos, eyes drifting as the moon's rays snuck through the curtains painting the carpeted floor beside his bed. 

The circus packed up over night after the week had passed, bidding the people of the small coastal town goodbye after lunch. He heard the saddened cries from children and the farewell calls from adults as the truck rode over the arched fields. When the circus left the shoe box returned to its hidden corner under his bed, content tucked away and covered by bed drapes. 

Perhaps in seven years the group would return to resurface distant memories, but until that day dawned, Jaemin would carry on failing to move on and forget.

**Author's Note:**

> the more i read this over the more i realise that you can substitute any artist or person into this ahaha, i was more focused on capturing and wallowing in my angsty feelings when i wrote this.
> 
> i did post the non named singular character version of this on my twitter so go check it out if u wanna :D!  
>   
> [my tt](https://twitter.com/beolbeulchii)  
> 


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